confusion is nothing new

Decided to start journaling again tonight. Maybe it will help clear the cobwebs and confusion in my head. My heart and soul ache so much right now. What do you do when the last person on earth you thought would lie to you does. What steps can be taken to regain the trust you once had. I read today there is no love without trust. What do I do to fix this. Do I follow my gut and try to get past this? I've been given free reign to ask anything I want to try to sort out what's in my head right now. But how do I trust in the answers he's giving me. How do I push this aside and move forward with what I know can be amazing.

On the other hand how do I get past another female lying to me about something that's really important to me. How do I let her know how much it hurts. How can I tell her that I'm pissed that everything we have talked about that I thought was in confidence she's run straight to my boyfriend and told him. I really don't think I can be friends with her anymore. I don't really want anything to do with her, don't want her around my kids and really don't want her around my boyfriend. I know that I can't tell him what to do but how can I get across to him what my heart feels about this situation.

I'm so worn out. I've made myself sick. I'm hurt most of all. I love this man with all that I am but I don't know what to do at the moment and the pain I feel inside is killing me.

the real me

finally i found somewhere i can hide to discuss what i'm feeling and not have everyone that is extremely close to me find out. what i mean is there are somethings a girl just wants to keep out of reach of some people i.e. their mom or their brother. i have another blog but they are both members of that service so whatever i put there they can freely read. sometimes i have things i want to say, things that happen or feelings that i don't want to discuss with them. so i've come here to hide out.

so this is a fresh start into the depths of me as a person indivual from everyone around me!